How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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