last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
