I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
