I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
