When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
