pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
