hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
vagina is talking i cant
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
