her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am available for nakedness
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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