somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
