you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
