Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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