it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
