I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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