She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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