thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
