Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
