I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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