Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
