Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
