Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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