It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
