I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
