Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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