I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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