Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
