Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
