that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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