Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize