it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
