i think my mom watched the whole time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
