Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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