i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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