I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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