I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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