you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
