I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
