its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
