i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
