it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
