We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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