if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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