the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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