Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
