Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
