from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
