Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
