she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Terrible idea I love it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize