I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
