That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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