high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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