Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
