weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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