I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
