i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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