You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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