if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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