Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
