where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
