wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she looked like the before picture.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
