Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
