im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
