He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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