My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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