she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Mom said you looked used
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
