wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize