Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
