OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
