I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
time to smoke my breakfast
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
