I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize