Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
