It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
