I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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