we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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