Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
