either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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