There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
